Are You Marinating in Your Own Mental Illness?
Discover the journey of understanding and managing anxiety from childhood to adulthood. Learn the difference between healthy and clinical anxiety and the importance of therapy in overcoming mental health challenges
Follow Jonathan
Visit Jonathan’s New Blog — Things People Should Know But Probably Don’t
When I was a child, I was the problem child. I was always getting into trouble in school for outbursts of uncontrolled anger, which landed me in the principal’s office countless times. But why was I so angry? There were several reasons, which I delve into in my book, The Road to Mental Wellness. In short, I was grappling with something I didn’t have the capacity to understand — mental illness.
To be more specific, anxiety. I can remember both my teachers and my parents trying to teach me math concepts, and me not getting it. My brain would go blank, and my heart would feel heavy.
It wasn’t until years later that I learned, during my training to become an addictions counselor, that what I was experiencing was anxiety. In fact, I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) in my thirties.
As a boy, a teen, and then a young man, I marinated in my illnesses. Firstly, because I didn’t know what they were, especially in the beginning, and secondly, because I was too busy misplacing my symptoms onto other people. The teachers, the schoolwork, the conflicts, and outbursts with others were always someone else’s fault.
Things weren’t like they are today. Children today have a label for everything. While it’s good to have an idea of what you’re feeling and experiencing, not knowing how to deal with your thoughts, anxieties, and emotions can keep you stuck in a perpetual state of depression and angst.
Furthermore, people today seem to be, at least as far as I’ve observed, marinating in their illnesses. Rather than doing something about it, they appear to be folding it into their identity and using it as a reason why they can’t move forward.
“But I Have Anxiety.”
It’s astonishing how often I hear, especially from younger generations, “But I have anxiety.” It happens so frequently that once, while waiting to place my order at a restaurant, I predicted that the teen in the large family ahead of me would ask her mother to order for her. Sure enough, just before their turn, she tugged on her mother’s sleeve and said, “Mom, order for me; I can’t because of my anxiety.” The mom half-heartedly attempted to get the daughter to order but ended up ordering for her.
If I can accurately predict this behavior simply standing in a line, we have a serious problem. Firstly, we have a child not working through her anxiety, and secondly, we have a parent reinforcing this avoidance behavior. Rather than addressing her anxiety, the child is allowed to marinate in it and thereby becoming disabled by it. Personally, I find this very hard to see.
The Two Types of Anxiety
What we aren’t teaching people today is that there are basically two types of anxiety. While there are many diagnosable anxiety disorders, for practical purposes, we can break them down into two categories: healthy anxiety and clinical anxiety. Here’s a breakdown to help you understand it better:
Healthy Anxiety vs. Clinical Anxiety
Healthy Anxiety
Definition:
Healthy anxiety, also called regular or situational anxiety, is a natural reaction to stress or danger. The body gets into proper shape to face challenges or threats. Such forms of anxiety are primarily short-lived and end when the condition causing it has passed.
Features:
- Adaptive: Allows you to react appropriately to stressors, like preparing for an exam or a crucial meeting.
- Temporary: It tends to pass once the stressful event ends.
- Proportional: The anxiety often matches the situation. For example, feeling nervous before giving an important presentation is normal.
- Motivates: Can motivate action, such as studying harder for an exam or preparing for a public speech.
Examples:
- Experiencing nervousness prior to a job interview.
- Having butterflies before a first date.
- Feeling stressed about a critical work deadline.
Clinical Anxiety
Definition:
Clinical anxiety, also known as an anxiety disorder, is a psychological condition characterized by excessive and unwarranted worry or fear that is generally out of proportion to the situation. It often interferes significantly with daily living and can occur without any apparent cause.
Subtypes of Clinical Anxiety:
1. Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD): Excessive, ongoing worry about various aspects of life, such as health, work, and relationships.
2. Panic Disorder: Recurrent panic attacks, which are sudden periods of intense fear or discomfort.
3. Social Anxiety Disorder: An acute fear of social situations or the fear of judgment by others.
4. Specific Phobias: An overwhelming and irrational fear of a particular object or situation, such as heights, flying, or spiders.
5. Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD): Characterized by obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviors.
6. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD): The development of anxiety following exposure to a traumatic event.
Features:
- Chronic: Lasts over a long duration, usually months or years.
- Excessive: The amount of worry is extremely out of proportion to the actual threat or concern.
- Impairing: Significantly affects daily life, such as work, school, or socializing.
- Uncontrollable: The person can hardly control or manage the anxiety.
Examples:
- Avoiding social functions due to fear of being judged.
- Experiencing frequent panic attacks without an obvious
- Being preoccupied with fearing unlikely events, such as natural disasters or severe illness.
Differences Between Healthy and Clinical Anxiety
1. Duration:
- Healthy Anxiety: Short-term; resolves when the event ends.
- Clinical Anxiety: Continuous, lasting for months or longer.
2. Intensity:
- Healthy Anxiety: Mild to moderate, appropriate to the situation.
- Clinical Anxiety: Severe and disproportionate to the actual situation or threat.
3. Impact on Daily Life:
- Healthy Anxiety: Low impact; may even be motivational.
- Clinical Anxiety: Impairs life, relationships, and general well-being.
4. Control:
- Healthy Anxiety: Can often be managed without professional help.
- Clinical Anxiety: Usually requires treatment, such as therapy and medication.
5. Triggers:
- Healthy Anxiety: Specific and identifiable, like an impending deadline or public speaking.
- Clinical Anxiety: Can be triggered by any situation or even occur without a visible cause.
Understanding these differences is crucial for recognizing when anxiety is a normal part of everyday life and when it may signal a more severe disorder needing professional intervention.
In short, healthy anxiety is temporary, whereas clinical anxiety is more long-term. If it interferes with your daily life, such as missing a lot of time from work or being unable to participate in social gatherings, you’re likely to need help from a mental health professional.
Taking Ownership
When we reach an age where we can order our dinner but can’t face it because every time we try, we are overtaken by anxiety, we need to ask ourselves: “Do I want to live this way for the rest of my life?” If your answer is no, then what are you going to do about it?
Therapy is key to helping differentiate between good anxiety and bad. Furthermore, therapies like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can help you move forward and stop this marinating phenomenon. Remember, remaining idle — not doing anything to improve your mental health — will hinder your efforts to live a joyful life and achieve your dreams.
So, seek help. Don’t use the way you feel as a crutch; work to move forward through therapy, good food, and walks in nature. Think how happy you’ll be when you can overcome anxiety and order your meal for the first time on your own. The point is, whatever you fear, you can defeat it or at least reduce it from an eight or nine to a three or four. This can be enough to get you moving in a direction that fosters healing.
Follow Jonathan
